Breaking up self-humiliating relationship patterns
Bad relationships, one after another, are the most common pattern that we come across as a healer. No matter what age group, people are often dissatisfied with their lives or existing relationship. They tend to find peace in another relationship as if that is going to give meaning to their life or bring their happiness back. By the time we reach 30, we have already had multiple break-ups and the result is that we are also on the verge of breaking-up internally. The heart is filled up with all self-sabotaging thoughts like, “ am not good enough”, “who will love me”, “no one needs me”, “I don’t deserve it”, ”I am being punished”, “I will be left alone for life” and so on….. If we just take a pause to look at the series of all the relationships, we can easily identify a pattern or theme in the choices we make. This happened with a few of my clients and even with myself!!
The pattern that you might identify is that all the partners that you chose were controlling, dominating, narcissist, orthodox, someone having beliefs that you can never go along with, who might not be able to give you attention and importance, who will definitely cheat on you and many others…Knowingly or unknowingly we choose such partners who will offer us such kind of self-humiliating relationship. And then the battle starts! You constantly try harder and harder to make the relationship work, you start self-pity for your suffering, attention-seeking from friends, looking for agony aunts but not choosing to drop the relationship.
One of my client Sara (Name changed) came to me with this issue that she again had a break-up and that she was feeling suicidal. She had enough failures and had lost almost every bit of confidence that she had in herself. She was cursing her life and people who do this to her.
How the sessions went on? Going deeper….
When we started talking, It was difficult for her to accept that she alone can bring change in her life. She believed that the other person should change and respect her. It took us 4 sessions of just talking to make her understand that she can control her life and bring whatever change she wants. Many issues surfaced during those sessions, mostly related to the kind of relationship she shared with her parents and siblings. The seed of suffering was in her growing years.
Finally, we moved to the Breathwork session followed by Inner Child healing sessions where she actually re-lived her childhood humiliation of being a girl child, facing competition with her siblings, parents were not available emotionally hence no cuddling, no hugging by parents. They provided her with every comfort of life but still, she had been alone and turned into a loner to protect herself from any letdown, from any cravings. Why as a soul we choose such family is a deeper matter to be understood…
As an adult, every guy she was choosing, in some way, represented her father and her family, potential male dominating family. And she had to win him, win a space in his heart and in his family. She invited that battled unconsciously (All of us do that! ) but also, such kind of relationship was unacceptable to her where she could be treated like a door-mat. Hence the conflict between the conscious and the unconscious mind began.
How did the sessions help?
With the help of Inner Child healing sessions, she was able to accept her life, forgive what needed to be forgiven, accept herself completely, that she doesn’t need to win any battle to prove her worth or to make a space in this world. She got space to express her anger that had been stored in her heart for years. It was an empowering journey for her to realise that she is not a child anymore who will be dependent on others and who has no say on the way a child is being treated. She has the power to make choices and she is ‘Complete’.
These sessions are very intense and could make you feel extremely tired, as you get tired after cleaning a whole heap of garbage. However, the experience of getting in touch with your own life that was being led by your past until now, cannot be described enough!
An insight for you!
If you can resonate with this experience and you need answers to why you have some patterns in your life, we encourage you to gather the courage to break free of resistance and talk to us. This life is worth giving a shot!!
You will find us in North Bangalore, in Sahakara Nagar where you can visit us for Yoga & healing sessions in our peaceful environment.